What’s there to celebrate when grieving stops you from getting out of bed, showering, eating, and appreciating the outpouring love that friends and family sent in a text. Everyone’s text came from a good place in their heart, I just didn’t know how to receive it so I put my phone on DND for the day. I read all the messages as they came in and couldn’t respond. I just slept. I was mad that daddy wasn’t here but then another part of me didn’t want him here. I wanted to remain alone curled up in my bed crying and talking to you. Hours passed and I finally responded to everyone’s text. Daddy came and I looked at him when I wanted to hug him and just lay on his chest. I didn’t I turned the other way. He asked me over and over what I wanted to eat and I didn’t want food although I know I needed to eat. I was angry and I took it out on him and the kids. Peyton made 3 cards for me and Zoë made this beautiful big card that said “you shine as bright as the sun.” It had sunflowers. I love them and you would’ve too. I don’t know how to feel most of the day. It’s hard. It’s a lot to dissect. I decided to write because it felt right. I needed it all out. I needed a safe place where everything that needs to be said can be said. Help me through this Angel Baby. I can question this all day everyday and I’m not going to get an answer. No answer to why you didn’t make it. There’s no closure in that. I just have the “it happens.”
Love, Mommy
🌈👼🏼
parentteacher3 