We’re outside. Not how I had visioned. Waiting for your dad so we can go get this ultrasound done. It’s to make sure everything has flushed out. There can’t possibly be more 😒 as if I haven’t endured enough. As you sit in this box besides me labeled baby teixeira 5/11/23 i love you always with my lipgloss lips printed on it, the sun is on you. Somehow I’m getting the shade and chills. I only feel the warmth on my back. You must be back there holding me up because I feel like I’m falling. I feel like I’m still pregnant today and going in for another ultrasound. When will I tell myself I’m not pregnant anymore? When will I stop holding my stomach like I’m still pregnant? When will I stop? I don’t know if I want to…..
It’s so quiet outside. I wish it was like this everyday. Where I can just come outside and hear no one and see no one. Maybe I’ll hear your whispers.
I was scrolling through tiktok yesterday and saw a video come on my fyp. It said don’t worry about your age I’ll conceive in Oct – Nov and it’ll be twin boys followed by the 🌈👼🏼 . I don’t know how I felt in that moment. I showed daddy and he gave me that uhhhh I don’t think so look. I had to chuckle a little because I always wanted twin boys.
There’s a lot of things I want and it doesn’t seem like I’m getting them.
I planted sunflowers in the back yard yesterday. I hope they grow!
Me and daddy were suppose to have therapy yesterday at 3 o’clock and I’m kind of upset that he forgot about it. I know it wasn’t intentional, but I was hoping it was important enough that he wouldn’t forget.
And at this very moment I want to cry. At this very moment I hate everyone. I’m mad. Im sad. I want to scream.
Daddy is pulling up behind me….I’m going to stop writing and I’ll write again later. I love you and I miss you.
Love Mommy,
🌈👼🏼
parentteacher3 